Monty Python and the Holy Grail Quotes

King Arthur and his knights embark on a low-budget search for the Grail, encountering many, very silly obstacles.

"Now stand aside, worthy adversary! 'Tis but a scratch! A scratch? Your arm's off! No, it isn't. What's that, then? I've had worse. You liar! Come on, you pansy!""I am your king. Well, I didn't vote for you. You don't vote for kings. Well how'd you become king then? The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king. Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.""...and that, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be banana-shaped. This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere. Explain again how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.""All right, we'll call it a draw. Come, Patsy. Oh, oh, I see! Running away, eh? You yellow bastards! Come back here and take what's coming to you! I'll bite your legs off!""On second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place.""Is there someone else up there we can talk to? No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!""I *warned* you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you *knew*, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little *bunny*, isn't it?""Run away!""You only killed the bride's father, you know. Well, I didn't mean to. Didn't mean to? You put your sword right through his head. Oh dear... is he all right?""We are the Knights who say... NI.""Message for you, sir.""And after the spanking, the oral sex. Well, I could stay a bit longer...""What are you doing now? Averting our eyes, oh Lord. Well, don't. It's just like those miserable psalms, they're so depressing. Now knock it off!""What a strange person.""Would it help to confuse it if we run away more? Oh shut up and go and change your armour.""How dare you profane this place with your presence!""JESUS CHRIST!""Whoa, there!"""Now go away or I will taunt you a second time."""All right, we'll call it a draw.""Your Mother was a Hamster, and your Father smelt of Elderberries!""Ni!""'Tis but a scratch. A scratch!? Your arm's off! No, it isn't. Well, what's that then?! I've had worse.""Tis but a scratch""We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune.""I'll bite your legs off!""And after the spanking, the oral sex! Well, I suppose I could stay a bit longer.""Now stand aside, worthy adversary! 'Tis but a scratch. A scratch?! You're arm's off! No it isn't! Well, what's that? I've had worse. You liar! Oh, come on, you pansy!""I am your king. Well I didn't vote for you. You don't vote for kings. Well how'd you become king then? The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king. Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.""Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries""You only killed the bride's father, you know. Well, I didn't mean to. Didn't mean to? You put your sword right through his head. Oh dear... is he all right?""That Rabbit's Dynamite!!""It's just a flesh wound.""I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.""Tis but a scratch!"